Time and time again

God is so good.

I got some good news yesterday and I just had to share it. The doctor I saw recently got back to me with the results of one of the blood tests I had done a few weeks ago.

It showed that I have a bacterial overgrowth in my system that's wreaking havoc throughout my body.Not sure what caused it but it's something for whatever reason has penetrated the intestinal lining of my stomach and entered into my blood stream and tissues producing powerful toxins that have been posing a challenge to my system's detoxification pathways.Damage to the intestinal wall causes leaky gut syndrome where toxins and large food molecules which would normally have no way of getting into the circulating blood are absorbed and create an enormous burden on the immune system that now has to neutralize, destroy and eliminate them. Which may have produced many of the "allergic" and inflammatory symptoms I've been having.I won't list them all let's just say it's like having the flu every day.

I know what you must be thinking. That kind of news hardly elicits even the slightest hints of a happy dance. But to me it does.To me I've got the moves like Jagger all over this place.To some people reading that out of context would only see bad news. And it would be but if you read it in the context of my health history it's very good news.

Some of you know the journey I've been on the last four years. I'll just keep it short by saying 4 years, over 10 doctors/specialists, countless tests, several treatments, and no answers to the source of my pain and sickness. People (neurologist) telling you you're crazy and to just give up because they can't figure it out. Many of them didn't look at or treat me as a person but as just a case. One they weren't willing to put the effort in to solve.The dependency I had on doctors was crushed and that was a good thing!

Sure I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, immune system issues, and digestive issues but nobody seemed to care about finding the source or a way to treat it without putting me on a bunch of drugs they weren't even sure would help. I guess these doctors aren't used to fighters.My parents didn't raise me to just give up or to settle but without Jesus in my life there were so many times I probably would've done just that. I guess most doctors aren't used to people turning down their 'prescriptions to mask the symptoms'. 

Let's just say I've masked the symptoms in my life for too long. 

That's easy to do when your comfortable. Just mask the things in our lives we need to change. We all have them.We're not perfect. Whether we want to admit it or not and most of the time when we're comfortable in our lives we don't.Why knowingly put ourselves out there with the possibility of getting hurt? Why make things harder on yourself when they don't have to be?Comfort zone. But if we never step out of our comfort zone, we never change. And in the words of Pastor Zak, "If you ain't changing,you ain't growing!" It's so true!  So when we don't make the choice to do it ourselves God loves us enough to give us a little push.

This sickness was my 'little push' and while it felt more like a hulk smash it is doing exactly what I needed. God has used the pain, the unanswered questions, the fear, the brokenness,to bring me closer to Him in a way I may never have experienced otherwise. He's allowed it to open my eyes, to refine my character, and to renew my mind. It's still a work in progress and will continue to be but now I welcome it!I want to change! His purpose is to make us like Christ. If we never endure suffering we can never be made into the image of the man who went through the greatest suffering of all for us.God knows what we need to grow. Time and Time again.

  
"He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.God knew what he was doing from the very beginning. He decided from the outset to shape the lives of those who love him along the same lines as the life of his Son." Romans 8:28-29

I've finally been able to have a peace.That in and of itself is an answered prayer. I'm not up every night crying,scared with every new symptom that it's something like cancer or MS (which they thought it might be and I was convinced it was). Even though I still don't know the cause, I'm not afraid. The strange thing is the pain hasn't changed but the way I looked at it did. Only God could do that. I proved my weakness time and time again while God proved his strength. He taught me to rely on Him. He showed me in the midst of my painful,changing circumstances that He remains steadfast.


"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."2 Corinthians 12:9

His unfailing grace.Time and Time again.

So after 4 years of praying for healing thinking he didn't hear me, he heard me. While I was waiting for him to heal my body he was healing my character. And even though I couldn't see it at the time that is something far more important. Because that is the only thing that will last. He wants to work on our character before he blesses us, before we ready for the things we pray for. To seek Him before anything else. 

Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.Matthew 6:33

So suffice it to say this is why I'm excited about this news.It's finally an answer and possible cause to some of this pain and crazy symptoms! It's proof that amazing things happen when you just let go and let God. He provided me with direction.Time and Time Again.

The next month I'll be continuing my detox diet and will be on a prescription to help kill off the bacteria, I'll also be taking liver support among other supplements to help my body fight through it. They said I may get new or worsened symptoms but this time I'm actually prepared for them. Because I know no matter what comes my way God is able, God is bigger. His timing is perfect. He knows what He's doing and I know I can trust Him because he's proved it to me time and time again. 

I am so thankful for all the prayers and support I've gotten and continue to get. I wish I had the words to tell you how much it means to me. It's crazy that the same day I received this news is the same day the bible verse for Jeremy and I's study was "He answered their prayers, because they trusted in him." 1 Chronicles 5:20. Time and Time again.