By Disappointment Only

   Just like we can be sure that Celine Dion's heart will in fact go on we can bank on the reality that we will all face disappointments at some point in our life.
  
   They're nothing new.We all faced them as a child.  The things that disappoint us might be slightly different but they're still there. Our temper tantrums may have changed some, but let's admit it those are still there too.Big or small nobody likes disappointments.
  
   I realize many of the disappoints we face are from our own bad choices but there are times when things just don't work out the way we hoped or anticipated and we have no idea why.It is in those moments that we realize we have no control. A scary reality to face for most people. But it is also in those moments that God can show us just how in control He really is.

   The question is not will disappoints come our way but how will we react when they do?

   Why God? Can often times be the only two words we can find in our vocabulary when disappointments hit.Maybe it's something w we've waited on him for and prayed our guts out for but then it didn't work out the way we thought, the way we desperately hoped it would. We've all been there. Like a Jackie Chan kick to the gut it feels like the ground has fallen out from under us.

   I realize it's hard not to question God in those moments. Been there, done that.At times still find myself doing that. We look over the situation from every viewpoint wondering what we could have done differently. Thinking if we could just find the reason in the midst of the pain. But nothing sticks out leaving us thinking where's waldo just got real. But it doesn't really matter does it? Because the disappointment is already happening. We're already sprawled out on the floor fists pounding, legs kicking and screaming for our favorite blankie,  so to speak. 

   I hate to be the bearer of bad news but disappointments will continue to happen in our lives. To quote my favorite singer of all time,Frank Sinatra, "That's Life."

   I know what you're thinking, thanks for the encouraging words Amber. Calm down, I'm not finished. We can't always keep the disappointments from coming but we can control how we react when they do.

   Instead of asking "Why God?" We should start asking "What next God?"  His answer will be different with everybody and with every situation but more often than not I bet it'll begin with two simple words:  

Trust me.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. Proverbs 3:6"

   Disappointments, while painfully hard to deal with sometimes are opportunities for God to act. For Him to reveal Himself to us in a way that we may not have otherwise experienced. In the moment we may not understand, it may not make a lick of sense.We may get angry at God or disappointed with Him. That's okay. He can handle it,I promise. And He won't love you any less because of it! Just be honest with Him. Be Real. He's looking for genuine relationships, not forced formalities. 

   We often think because God didn't answer our prayer how we wanted him to, when we wanted him to that it's just not going to happen.And it is then that our disappointments can cause a domino effect leaving our faith incredibly shaken not stirred.

   It can be the hardest thing when in the midst of the confusing, disappointing heartbreak to say "God I don't understand why but I trust you."


   But I can tell you from experience when you start to respond that way it's amazing how your outlook of what you deemed as disappointments can change. It doesn't always make them easier to endure but it does give you hope.  He may not be saying no, he might just be saying not yet or I have something even better in mind for you.

"I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for." Jeremiah 29:11

   Over the last few years alone my husband and I have faced a lot of disappointments.Mostly stemming from my health and some I haven't even shared. But it was through each one that God not only made us stronger as a couple but brought us closer individually to Him. And the only way we could have gotten there was by disappointment only.

   God has a plan. Always.Whether we see it, understand it or choose to believe it He is always at work in our lives. He can see every aspect of the blue prints, His timing is Perfect and his will unfailing.  I know it's not easy but Trust him. Just take the word disappointment and change the 'd' to an 'h' and it becomes Hisappointment. One day you'll look back at what you thought were disappointments and realize they were really God's appointments to something better than you could ever have imagined.

Does size matter?

"You just need to have more faith."

I'm sure you've probably heard those words at some point.As if somehow that's the Harry Houdini trick to fixing your situation.

Now I realize depending on where you're at in that moment of your life you can respond one of two ways. 

If you're in a loving, Mister Rogers type place you can simply nod and offer a smile and thank them for their 'encouragement.'

Or...your more cynical side may respond with an extra dose of sarcasm"Oh yeah you're so right! That's what I'm missing, I must have left it at home. Hold on a sec while I go back and get my 'faith bag' and pull out an extra heaping portion." 

Let's face it, when we're going through a trial one of the last things we're in the mood for is for someone to advise us on what we're doing wrong. Especially if it's something we've already recognized ourselves.  

I only say that because I've experienced it...many times, especially with my health stuff. I know their intention is good and their heart is in the right place. Because while I hate to admit it I have also been on the giving end of that advice.I realize while many intentions may come from a positive place, the effect can often illicit a negative connotation.

Like telling someone they need to have more faith for instance. It suggests that grace comes from our own works.That it's up to us. That if we could just have sasquatch size faith then God would answer our prayer or bring us out of that situation. 

If only I had a stronger faith God would heal me. If I just believed more He would think I deserved that job. What am I doing wrong that God's not answering my prayers? Is it my faith? Whatever the situation may be that's simply not the case. 

We have the idea that God rewards us for our faith, and while it may be so at times we do not earn anything from faith. Faith brings us into a closer relationship with God and gives Him His opportunity to work in and through our lives.

We don't need to earn God's grace or His mercy He simply gives it because He loves us. "I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion.So then it depends not on human will or exertion, but on God, who has mercy."Romans 9:15-16

I realize a big part of why I had such a hard time with my health in the beginning was not because I didn't have faith but because my faith was sorely misplaced. With failed doctor after doctor it was definitely frustrating but I believe God was using that to draw my faith to where it should be...completely and wholeheartedly in Him.

You see it's not the size of our faith that matters most to him but the who or what we're choosing to put it in. Having giant faith can be a great thing don't get me wrong but if we're putting it in the wrong things it will leave us coming up empty every time. 

But here's the awesome extra extra read all about it news...even the smallest faith in a giant God will provide us with amazing results!

It's all up to him, all we have to do is trust him enough to let him do it.

I came across the verse "If you have faith as small as a mustard seed you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move.And nothing will be impossible for you."Matthew 17:20  And while I've heard that verse a million and one times, it hit me in a different way this time. (as often happens with bible scriptures)

Not being a huge fan of mustard I had no idea the size of a mustard seed was, so like any curious scholar would do, I googled it. Let's just say it's bigger than a grain of sand but smaller than a popcorn seed! That's pretty stinkin small. Just think about that for a moment. It says with faith that small not only can you move a ginormous mountain but NOTHING will be impossible.

It doesn't say if you have faith that small you may be able to move an ant hill and only little things will be possible but big things like your kids, your job, your health, your addictions, well those things..those things will be impossible, sorry. Nosiree, it says N.O.T.H.I.N.G. NOTHING! Wow. God is amazing. Even when our faith is small He can still do great things. We need to remember that. 

So does size matter? It depends on how you're looking at it. I don't know what mountain is standing in front of you right now but if you focus so much on how small or weak your faith is it will only leave you frustrated and discouraged. Stronger faith will come but by God not by us.  He's so much bigger than what you're going through. Even tiny seed-like faith in that truth can make the impossible possible. You're problem will seem so small when you focus on just how HUGE our God is and it's only then that size really matters.

 

Time and time again

God is so good.

I got some good news yesterday and I just had to share it. The doctor I saw recently got back to me with the results of one of the blood tests I had done a few weeks ago.

It showed that I have a bacterial overgrowth in my system that's wreaking havoc throughout my body.Not sure what caused it but it's something for whatever reason has penetrated the intestinal lining of my stomach and entered into my blood stream and tissues producing powerful toxins that have been posing a challenge to my system's detoxification pathways.Damage to the intestinal wall causes leaky gut syndrome where toxins and large food molecules which would normally have no way of getting into the circulating blood are absorbed and create an enormous burden on the immune system that now has to neutralize, destroy and eliminate them. Which may have produced many of the "allergic" and inflammatory symptoms I've been having.I won't list them all let's just say it's like having the flu every day.

I know what you must be thinking. That kind of news hardly elicits even the slightest hints of a happy dance. But to me it does.To me I've got the moves like Jagger all over this place.To some people reading that out of context would only see bad news. And it would be but if you read it in the context of my health history it's very good news.

Some of you know the journey I've been on the last four years. I'll just keep it short by saying 4 years, over 10 doctors/specialists, countless tests, several treatments, and no answers to the source of my pain and sickness. People (neurologist) telling you you're crazy and to just give up because they can't figure it out. Many of them didn't look at or treat me as a person but as just a case. One they weren't willing to put the effort in to solve.The dependency I had on doctors was crushed and that was a good thing!

Sure I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, immune system issues, and digestive issues but nobody seemed to care about finding the source or a way to treat it without putting me on a bunch of drugs they weren't even sure would help. I guess these doctors aren't used to fighters.My parents didn't raise me to just give up or to settle but without Jesus in my life there were so many times I probably would've done just that. I guess most doctors aren't used to people turning down their 'prescriptions to mask the symptoms'. 

Let's just say I've masked the symptoms in my life for too long. 

That's easy to do when your comfortable. Just mask the things in our lives we need to change. We all have them.We're not perfect. Whether we want to admit it or not and most of the time when we're comfortable in our lives we don't.Why knowingly put ourselves out there with the possibility of getting hurt? Why make things harder on yourself when they don't have to be?Comfort zone. But if we never step out of our comfort zone, we never change. And in the words of Pastor Zak, "If you ain't changing,you ain't growing!" It's so true!  So when we don't make the choice to do it ourselves God loves us enough to give us a little push.

This sickness was my 'little push' and while it felt more like a hulk smash it is doing exactly what I needed. God has used the pain, the unanswered questions, the fear, the brokenness,to bring me closer to Him in a way I may never have experienced otherwise. He's allowed it to open my eyes, to refine my character, and to renew my mind. It's still a work in progress and will continue to be but now I welcome it!I want to change! His purpose is to make us like Christ. If we never endure suffering we can never be made into the image of the man who went through the greatest suffering of all for us.God knows what we need to grow. Time and Time again.

  
"He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.God knew what he was doing from the very beginning. He decided from the outset to shape the lives of those who love him along the same lines as the life of his Son." Romans 8:28-29

I've finally been able to have a peace.That in and of itself is an answered prayer. I'm not up every night crying,scared with every new symptom that it's something like cancer or MS (which they thought it might be and I was convinced it was). Even though I still don't know the cause, I'm not afraid. The strange thing is the pain hasn't changed but the way I looked at it did. Only God could do that. I proved my weakness time and time again while God proved his strength. He taught me to rely on Him. He showed me in the midst of my painful,changing circumstances that He remains steadfast.


"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."2 Corinthians 12:9

His unfailing grace.Time and Time again.

So after 4 years of praying for healing thinking he didn't hear me, he heard me. While I was waiting for him to heal my body he was healing my character. And even though I couldn't see it at the time that is something far more important. Because that is the only thing that will last. He wants to work on our character before he blesses us, before we ready for the things we pray for. To seek Him before anything else. 

Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.Matthew 6:33

So suffice it to say this is why I'm excited about this news.It's finally an answer and possible cause to some of this pain and crazy symptoms! It's proof that amazing things happen when you just let go and let God. He provided me with direction.Time and Time Again.

The next month I'll be continuing my detox diet and will be on a prescription to help kill off the bacteria, I'll also be taking liver support among other supplements to help my body fight through it. They said I may get new or worsened symptoms but this time I'm actually prepared for them. Because I know no matter what comes my way God is able, God is bigger. His timing is perfect. He knows what He's doing and I know I can trust Him because he's proved it to me time and time again. 

I am so thankful for all the prayers and support I've gotten and continue to get. I wish I had the words to tell you how much it means to me. It's crazy that the same day I received this news is the same day the bible verse for Jeremy and I's study was "He answered their prayers, because they trusted in him." 1 Chronicles 5:20. Time and Time again.

Elimination Diet: Could always be worse

Well...Despite the headaches, muscle/joint pain, crazy fatigue, on fire burning skin (out of control lately), and brain fog... I had an AWESOME weekend in Austin with our amazing, HIlarious friends and their two incredible,beautiful  kids.

Reminding me once again of the fact that THINGS COULD ALWAYS BE WORSE.

I wasn't sure how this new diet would play out being away from home for 2 days. Not just because Austin has soooo many amazing restaurants with ridiculously awesome food but because not a lot of places have a lot of options for a diet like this. But we actually ended up finding some fulfilling things to eat. 

Did the giant moist looking,delicious smelling pancakes sound better than a salad?...I'll let you take a guess on that one. But wonder of all wonders we didn't die.It actually wasn't as hard as I thought it'd be.As hard as it's been in the past.

At the beginning of this illness and for a long time my eyes were so focused on how bad the trial was and what I didn't have that it was easy to lose sight of the good that I did have. On the fact that even the hardest, most challenging things going on in my life could always be worse...way worse.

Do I have my health? No....not yet. Am I in pain every day? Yep.But some days aren't as bad as others. Walking around the streets of Austin reminded me while it may cause me pain after awhile, at least I can walk. At least I can open my eyes and see the sights around me when some don't even get that privilege. 

It could always be worse.

Okay so there are certain things I can't eat right now, but there are still a lot of things I can. So many times we're just eating for pleasure when there are so many out there striving to eat just for survival.A privilege we've lost sight of in America.

It could always be worse.

Only God's grace allows me to see that.And I have to rely on it constantly.It's not me.

Choosing to focus on the good in life will change the way you see the bad.It's so much more than the glass half full mentality. It's God centered thinking and it will change your life. It's one of the best gifts God has given me through this. If you can't change something you can change the way you look at it, right? It's that peace that passes all understanding (Philipians 4:7) that the bible talks about. That no one, not even yourself, can understand why in the midst of a trial, in the midst of pain and suffering you can have peace.That can only come from God.

Am I going through a trial in my life right now? Obviously. Am I alone? Nope. Some days harder than others. I won't deny that. I won't pretend not to still struggle with it, I do. That's the amazing thing about God's peace though. It's not just a one time thing. It's a gift that keeps on giving because we keep on needing it.
 
To an onlooker your situation might not seem as bad as somebody else's. Don't worry about that.A trial is always relevant to the person experiencing it.  God understands your trial in a way no one else can. How you are looking at it is what matters.

God told us, "Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise." Philipians 4:8

Being optimistic doesn’t mean that we have to be out of touch with reality. It means that even though we know the dire state of what we are going through we can make a decision to be positive in the midst of it. 

To remember things could always be worse.

I know my life could. I know my life is in all actuality an incredibly blessed one.

I have an incredible family who I couldn't imagine my life without, an amazing husband who is so much more than just a best friend, I have an incredible group of genuine friends who I love to pieces,the list could go on and on. 

But most importantly I have a God who loves me no matter what, I have Jesus who set me free and gives me hope.

If nothing else 'good' ever happened in my life I could still be happy, I could still be grateful just knowing that.

“I may not be where I need to be (or may like to be) but I thank God I am not where I used to be.”-Joyce Meyer

Elimination Diet: The small things

Well day 4 (Thursday) of detox done!

This process is definitely teaching me to appreciate the small things.

You never realize how much you take for granted until you're forced to change them.

It always comes down to free will though. Not just with  food but with everything.We all have unavoidable choices to make every day.Sometimes we think about the consequences before we make them, sometimes we don't. I have the free will to choose what I eat but now I also have to think about the consequences that come with it. My health has forced me to think beyond the momentary satisfaction of foods and focus on the effect (both short and long term).

In the past I wouldn't have thought twice about having breakfast tacos and a crazy sweet tea for breakfast (let's just say a place called Norma's got a lot of my business in high school) After I got sick I made a few diet changes, tried to eat better (for the most part) But it was usually always something with substance. Now it's lemon water and a smoothie for breakfast. However I can I'm glad to say this diet doesn't have to be a liquid only one...been there...done that.Appreciate not doing it now.

Ahh the small things.

Before this I could sit down and eat a whole bag of my favorite snack: tortilla chips. (especially Chili's chips and salsa!)Miss you my friends. But now I can't even tell you how much I look forward to a rice cake (or as Jeremy calls them "edible coasters"). A rice cake people! Never in a million years would I have thought those words would come out of my mouth and I'd actually mean them!

God's definitely using this to teach me to appreciate the small things.

Just because things with my health are different than they used to be or how I expected them to be doesn't mean I still don't have to much to be grateful for.It doesn't mean they couldn't always be worse. The limits become only what I put on myself. I used to love working out, running outside, playing sports. Now it's really hard for me. It's painful and it's been a hard reality for me to face.

But I realize in this moment I can choose to just complain and feel sorry for myself. I could choice to avoid it knowing it will only cause discomfort in pain. Or I can choose to focus on what I can do and what I will do. But by God's strength I'm choosing to push through believing it'll all be worth it. Believing that one day I'll not just be back to where I was but even stronger than ever. Been to the gym every day this week!:)

The small things.

Choices are an integral part of all of our lives. Big or small they all have some sort of consequence. Of course I desire to be healthy,to have less pain, to start a family one day but how much do I want it? Every choice I make with my body is either going to bring me closer to that, push me further away, or keep me in the same spot.

"If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones." Luke 16:10

I want to show God he can trust me with the big things to come by being faithful with the small things now.

Elimination Diet:The Ultimate Friend

Day 3 (Wednesday) of my elimination diet was actually all together a pretty good day. Other than  having that ridiculous sunburn/on fire skin feeling and crazy fatigue.

If there's one thing going through a trial will reveal to you it's True Friendship.

The people that don't just 'say' they care about you but actually show it.

My husband and I got up at 4:30 am (yes you read that right) and went to the gym. I don't know if I could have done that on my own (feeling the way I do) but Jeremy encourages me.Always right there along side me in everything. He doesn't have to do this elimination diet but he is. Let me tell you giving up caffeine and "a little sweet something" is no small feat for my husband. But he's doing it to support me. He's walking beside me.He'd take the pain if he could.More than a husband, a best friend.

My family is doing much of the same diet.help me find ingredients from my list of "allowed foods" that don't seem to exist, Pray for me, lift me up, call just to see how I'm doing,My oldest sister researched and found this doctor for me because she just wanted me to feel better. My middle sister helps me cook and encourages me through the times I feel like mess. More than family, true Friends.

My friends text/call me just to check on me and tell me they're thinking about me. They send me scriptures, encouraging words,love on me,make me laugh (a lot) and pray for/over me.They're always there for me.Not just friends, genuine friends.

“As iron sharpens iron, so does a man (woman) sharpen another.”-Proverbs 27:17

I'm so glad I have these friends in my life that help me stay strong.

But there's a friendship I value even above all of these...

My friendship with Jesus Christ.

I realize that name doesn't always elicit the most comfortable feeling from people. You can say "God" all day long but there's something about saying the name Jesus and whoa buddy, things just got real.

That isn't a coincidence or a fluke. It's not just a name, it's THE name. It's the power in the name. A saving power not a condemning power sadly conceived by so many evoking fear or disgust. I'm not so naive as to ignore the fact that many so called Christians have come "in the name of Jesus" and used it to attack and bring pain and condemnation to lost people or even to other Christians. It breaks my heart to know that's happening (It breaks GOD's Heart) because that's not what Jesus is about, it never was!

John 3:17 says, "God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through him."

Just take a look at the bible.He didn't have condemnation for the sinners (murders,adulterers,idolators), He had compassion.

Jesus is more than my savior, He's my friend. If you've never experienced the saving grace of Jesus Christ than that may sound crazy to you. I'm okay with that. I know what Jesus did for me and what he's still doing for me.

Did you ever have an imaginary friend when you were a child or have a child who did? They believe that friend is there, taking part in everything they're doing, they talk to him/her, share secrets with them,they're always there, always listening. in a way it makes them feel safe because they know they're not alone.

There is nothing imaginary about Jesus. Even when you can't see Him, He's there. When you need someone to talk to, He's always listening. When you think no one understands you're pain, He does.(a Big one for me) 

I'm assuming everybody has a least one best friend. Now even if that friend isn't standing right in front of you, you know they're still there for you right? You know you can go to them with anything, call them with your problems, ask them when you need words of encouragement. They are your best friend for a reason. 

Everybody wants a friend in their life, we all need them. What about a friend that knows everything about you and loves you anyway? What about one who took the rap for not just some but ALL of your screw-ups? Who can not only offer hope in hopeless situations but actually supply it.Who can help you love the unlovable, forgive the unforgivable. Who died an undeserved,brutal death in your place so you could be free from hell? FREE.

"Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."John 15:13

Jesus did that for me. He did that for you.  


I don't know what kind of impression you've been given of Jesus Christ but he doesn't want to condemn you he wants to befriend you. I'm so thankful for all the true friends in my life but most of all I'm thankful for Jesus, The Ultimate Friend.

 

Elimination Diet:Endurance

Well day 2 of the detox was a little rougher. After a night of lacking restful sleep I woke up feeling like I had the flu. I was burning up so much so that I felt I had a really bad sunburn all over my body that no aloe Vera could cure. I felt so physically weak I literally couldn't stop for longer than a few minutes so I laid back down for a little bit. 

My symptoms would fluctuate throughout the day but I did manage to make it to the gym and push through a workout. Recipes turned out really good but by the end of the day it was flu feeling and exhausted.

I realize there is no way I would have been able to go to the gym or even stick with cooking from my list of "allowed foods" if God hadn't provided me with the one thing I need most this day....Endurance.

Endurance is the steady determination to keep going, regardless of the temptation to slow down or give up.

Not endurance mustered from my own strength (it was painfully evident that was lacking) but Christ empowered endurance.

Endurance almost always requires patience.

Patient endurance does not come easy. Our society is a clear example of that. We want the right now. The reward without the sacrifice, the prize without the race. The sad reality in so many areas like jobs, marriages, and even churches has become a failure to endure.

The Stick-to-it philosophy has became a relic of another day and age. I know because I've been a participant of it in the past.When we rely completely on our own strength, our own ability, we discover things become painfully difficult. We're human, we're flawed. So instead of sticking to it, instead of turning to something other than our own personal aptitude in the situation, we give up...move on to something else. 

All the while God was calling us to rely on Him. To depend on His unyielding strength and His unfailing ability to get us through. I can say this because I've been there. But it's because I've been there that I can now choose to endure. God never promised we wouldn't face trials but He did promise He'd see us through. We can endure through Him because He's already overcome anything we are or could go through! "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33 

It makes me wonder just how many rewards we've missed out on because we chose not to endure.

I'm not saying it's easy. It's not. Just like running a marathon doesn't come easy or having a good marriage doesn't come easy. It takes work,it takes sacrifice.Christ-centered endurance doesn't just happen.

A good runner doesn't just show up to a race without practicing and say,  “Dear God, if you could just go out there and win this race that'd be swell.” No, they train, they push through the pain and build up strength so they can say, “God,I'm going to do the best I can. Will you enable me to run hard and if it's your will, to win?”

James 1:2-4 says "Dear brothers and sisters,when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing." 

I realize the difference between eating a rice cake or eating a donut doesn't cause much of a dilemma to most people...their choice is easy (unless they're trying to count calories).But to me it does.While donuts are the best food ever invented I know I can't have one right now...maybe not ever. But I'm okay with making those choices one step at a time. It becomes about whether I'm hungry for temporary satisfaction or permanent satisfaction. While the difference today may seem small, the collective difference will be huge.

Endurance (in anything) is the call of Jesus to follow him. To say despite the pain, despite the mountain I see in front of me I choose to push forward knowing the great reward will far outweigh the trial. It allows us to finish strong for God's glory. There is no greater joy or bigger privilege. 

This day was tough but that's why I'm thankful God's mercies are new every single day.He knew we'd need it. He knew if He could help us endure the trials we'd come out better than ever and He'd be glorified in the process.Smart God;)

"Let us run with endurance the race that is set before us."Hebrews 12:1

Elimination Diet:Perspective

Well I made it through day 1 of my Elimination/Detox Diet!The food part was actually a lot easier than I thought it would be and was pleasantly surprised by the recipes.Even Jeremy like them! (thank you Jesus:) I did have some symptoms though which is hard to tell is just my normal stuff or worsened by fighting off the bacteria. 

But despite the extreme fatigue most of the day and the sharp pain I felt in the left side of my neck and side of my face when I attempted (and failed) to get even an hour of restful sleep....I'm excited!

Excited that despite the long (and I'm sure challenging) road this will be, for the first time since I started getting sick I finally feel like I'm on the right road. And that changes everything for me. 

I realized it's now about one thing...Perspective.

How I view this process, the pain, the discomfort, changes everything.

We read a story in the bible recently that really hit home with me. The one in II Kings about the servant, Naaman, who was suffering from leprosy. He came to Elisha the prophet seeking healing. Elisha told Naaman he needed to “Go, wash yourself seven times in the Jordan, and your flesh will be restored and you will be cleansed.” 2 Kings 5:10 

That's it. He was told exactly what he needed to do to be healed from this horrible disease.Done deal.Peace of awesome cake right? But did he shout for joy and run Forest Run towards the Jordan? 

Nope. He got angry."But Naaman became furious and went away." 2 Kings 5:11 Now we're probably thinking what a fool! But how often do we do the same thing? (Disclaimer:I am in no way pointing fingers except towards my own sour face right now.)

Naaman was frustrated because things didn't happen the way he expected. Familiar?All too much to me. His anticipated idea of how God should work was crushed and so therefore his hope was too.In his mind he thought it would be as easy as 1,2,3. 1)call out to God 2)God waves his hand over him 3)sweet healing.

Naaman even tried to negotiate with God (i'm sure we never do that;) He 'informed' them there were closer rivers that would do the job just as well. How often are we given wise advice but choose to ignore it because we think we know better? We think,  God why make us go the hard way when this way would be soooo much easier?

My reaction was much like Naaman's.Have there been times I've prayed for God to just miraculously heal me? Absostinkinlutely! That's the preferred way right? The easiest way. But also the way we may not learn what we need to. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being healed that way or that God doesn't still do that, because HE DOES.

 But if I really, truly believe He's going to heal me, it shouldn't matter what means He uses to achieve it. The end result is still the same...I'M BETTER! Trusting His timing is not always easy. It may not come in our time, but it will come in the perfect time. I have to look at the fact that He knows exactly what our character needs to experience to get the absolute best out of the circumstance.

The simple instructions for Naaman became humbling ones and he decided that the long journey would be worth the reward. He went to the Jordan, washed himself 7 times, and was healed! Why 7? In the bible it's a sign of Perfection. Each dunk in that Jordan was a step of faith, was belief in God's word towards healing. The water wasn't what healed Naaman, his faith was. God could have used whatever means he wanted to bring healing (which he proves many times in the bible)  but he chose what would humble Naaman and therefore change his perspective towards the true power of God.

In much the same way God has done that for me and is still doing it. The symptoms I'm experiencing right now might not be easy but the way I look at the pain changes the whole experience. I can complain, be sad, frustrated, or impatient (which I've done all too well in the past) with the heightened symptoms of this cleanse OR I can look at them as only a means to a wicked awesome end. A humbling, faith building road to health. 

I don't know if you believe in Jesus but I can tell you from my own personal experience that my perspective would be a lot different in this, my hope a lot less, if I didn't have him in my life. He gives me hope every single second of every day that despite the pain, despite what I feel or see, that I can have undeniable joy. That I can have strength (like going to the gym when my body's telling me 'no way jose'). I can have hope that what I'm currently experiencing is only temporary and that I'm one step closer to healing.

And if I ever start to lose hope in the process I know I can trust in God to provide me with a new perspective.

                    A little perspective, like a little humor, goes a long way.  -Allen Klein