Breaking my addiction...

Okay, so I admit I've slacked in the consistency that's expected in a blogger.I told myself I'm going to be better about posting more frequently.I always have so many ideas and things I want to write about swarming around in this big ole head.It's my passion to write, my release. My way of encouraging others like I love to do.

So today I sat down to write some of the things I've had on my heart and....NOTHING...zip...nada....all those ideas lost somewhere in translation...aka...Writer's block.

(scratches head) Oooook God? I admitted to you I've been slacking in using a gift I feel you've given me and then when I go to do something about it, I'm stumped.Why?

 "I want you to do it my way, not yours." 

Ever heard that from God? Like ice cold water to your bare back. You try talking yourself out of the feeling that was God talking to you but you know...oh man do you know. That moment where you know whatever is about to happen is going to be worth it but cringe at the thought of the pain you know it's going to bring.

So let me be REAL because that's what I promised myself I'd be with my writing. This is not at all what I planned on writing. In fact I had what felt like a tug of war conversation with God and myself about writing it. I quickly found myself transported to younger years of foot stomping and "But I don't wannas." 
Disclaimer: (that will be a whole other blog later)

So with a crinkled nose and somewhat hesitant fingers I'll admit something to you....

I am a recovering people-pleaser.

I know, I know but it's true. I've been addicted to making people happy. I'm not sure how long I've been addicted but it's been awhile my friends. First step is admitting it right? Funny how that seems so simple but that is often the hardest thing for us to do: ADMIT. Well I did that a few years ago and ever since then it's God been working on the railroad of my thought process. Trying to hammer away what needs to go and drill in what needs to stay.

I know what you may be thinking, being a “People-Pleaser” doesn't sound bad.   I mean, isn’t it great to try to make everyone happy and be happy with you instead of angry or hurt? Nobody likes a Mr.Sniffles right? Even the Bible says we are supposed to live in peace as far as it depends on us.

Don't get me wrong, the desire to be liked is not in and of itself wrong or inappropriate.  I think God wired us to love and want to be loved. That desire is in all of us whether some want to admit it or not.

The problem is when that desire takes over, becomes most important and keeps us from experiencing true freedom in who God created us to be. It's not even about being liked anymore, it's about not letting people down. Building it up in your head that if you don't act a certain way or do things a certain way, they'll be disappointed. And when you're constantly trying to keep people happy because you're worried about disappointing someone then there is no Freedom in that.

All of a sudden it becomes god in your life, because you are allowing the opinion of others to matter more than God’s opinion. What they think of you matters more than what God thinks of you.It happens, it happened to me.When it carries over into feeling like you're disappointing God then it's about time to cut the people pleasing umbilical cord.

Take it from someone who painfully knows firsthand,  it's not an overnight, thank you come again, Fix. God's been working on it in me for awhile now.

Can I share a shocking (insert sarcasm) revelation with you that I've learned in my life?

You are always going to disappoint people. Hate to tell you but it's inevitable.

Some how, some way you'll let someone down.You'll make a decision they don't agree with, say something they don't like, sometimes you wont even know what the heck you even did but somebody will be so pissed at you for it.And sometimes you'll spend so much time stressing or overthinking about what you convince yourself they want from you only to realize they weren't even thinking that! People pleasers have to stop thinking we even have the ability to please everybody .No one does.And it puts too much pressure on ourselves to be something God never intended us to be. Only HE can know a person mind and heart completely and FULLY satisfy it.

Trust me, mind reading would not be my super power of choice anyway.(flying if you're wondering.

But you know what is important to remember, the more YOU love your life, the less you need other people to love it. That's not an excuse to throw the coined phrase "I do what I want" around and say forget everybody else. It's to say I'm going to seek who I am in GOD and do what I feel is right between HIM and ME not ME and everyone else. God First. And if people don't like it, that's on them.

The tattoo on my arm says "BELOVED" with a sparrow flying away.I got it to remind myself that I'm free to be who GOD created me to be not who the world wants me to be because at the end of the day I only have to please one person and that's God, my creator.Who calls me his beloved child. No matter my choices, mistakes, disappointments or things about me that others may not like or agree with, HE still loves me the same. And let's be real at the end of my life, HE is the only one I have to answer to.

God is breaking my addiction of trying to please everyone. It isn't easy but I know the freedom I'll find through it, the freedom I've already found. I've learned more about myself and become who I really am more in the last couple years than I have my whole life. I am so grateful for that. Think about the people you've let down or will in the future, forgive yourself even if they don't, let go and give it to God. You are FREE. Your value is in HIM alone.

"Do you think I speak this strongly in order to manipulate crowds? Or curry favor with God? Or get popular applause? If my goal was popularity, I wouldn’t bother being Christ’s slave." Galatians 1:10