Trying on swimsuit after swimsuit of ruffles and tassels and strange floral patterns. Who designs these things anyway? Sometimes wondering to ourselves did we somehow switch over from the adult women's section to the child swimsuit section with the lack of material they're made of. Seriously? $50 bucks for that barely there piece of material awkwardly hanging on a hanger? I mean is it lined with silver? Those weirdly placed rhinestones best hold the same value of a diamond on the street if you want me to pay that. (sorry I momentarily channeled the ghetto side of my best friend, Bianca)
But seriously. We go through a lot of trouble we don't enjoy to pay way more than we want to.
I went in search of a swimsuit today. And as I tried on one after another I could hear a mom in the stall next to me on the same seemingly failing quest as myself. Talking out her choices with what sounded to be like a five year old little girl. "mommy doesn't like this one...it's too big....ugh this one fits weird..." Finally I heard her say "I think I like this one.Yeah I'm going to get this one." To which I heard a little small voice reply very matter of factually, "That one doesn't look pretty mommy."
Um Ouch! That felt like a punch to my own gut and she wasn't even talking to me! Now I don't know how much weight that tiny lil girl's opinion held in that mom's mind. And if my experience working with kids has taught me anything it was...Kids are cruel!...No but seriously, they don't really think before they speak. They just haven't learned that filter yet. (some adults still have that wire crossed as well huh?)
Whether this kid really didn't like the suit or was some fashion designer prodigy in the making I don't know. The mom didn't say anything in return. Maybe there was that "mom face" happening that I couldn't see. Moms, you know the one. I don't know if she bought the suit or not. But if there's one thing any woman could recognize in her voice it was a tired frustration.
But can any of us sit here and say that the opinions of others, even little sassy children, don't effect us in some way or another? And more often than not it's the image we hold of ourselves that is the worst. The one that looks in that strangely fluorescent lit mirror and wishes at some level we looked different.
And why? Because as women we get this idea of what a "beautiful woman" looks like. We compare ourselves to women on magazines, on TV, the one standing next to us at the beach looking like something that just came off the scene of Baywatch (the Xrated version). What have you done to us David Hasselhoff? "I'll be ready" theme song doesn't really apply to swimsuit season sir.
Now I already know what some of you may be thinking, I've heard it all before positive thinking, diets, be your own biggest fan, and on and on it goes. And what could a skinny girl like you understand about the struggles of self image? Swimsuit shopping is probably fun for you right? Wrong. That's where we get it wrong, we look at other woman and think we'd be happy looking like them, having what they have.
Did you know losing weight is not the only struggle that gets to women, gaining weight is as well. Now before you start thinking "that's a problem I wouldn't mind having." let me share something with you.
When I look at my body in the mirror and see my bones sticking out it bothers me in the same way that a woman may see a roll. I promise you. I want to change it but I haven't been able to.
Part of why I'm so skinny is because I'm sick. My body doesn't absorb the nutrients of the food I eat and often when I do eat I feel sick. It makes me deficient of vitamins my body needs, I have chronic fatigue partly because my body doesn't get the nutrients it needs and it makes it hard to enjoy a meal or eat what I want because I rarely know what's going to make me so sick I'm doubled over in pain or have a reaction that makes me feel like my whole body is severely sunburned when I wasn't even in the sun. I don't have a choice in being skinny. I don't enjoy being sick. But it doesn't define who I am. It defines define my worth.
That's why it breaks my heart to hear stories of girls with anorexia and bulimia. The fact that we as a society have taken away what true beauty is and replaced it with a dreamed up, photo shopped version of a what beauty is that women, even young girls, will do whatever it takes to achieve really makes me sad.
I know why we hate putting swimsuits on. In our minds it inevitably seems to highlight the worst parts of us.We are forced to face the things we'd like to change or try to cover up. We show a little more skin and not because we necessarily want to but because we'd look pretty silly wearing a body suit to the pool.
But can I tell you something? You are worth so much more than what a mirror shows or what people may see.
You are beautiful because you were created in the image of God. Your appearance has little to do with true beauty and your worth isn’t wrapped up in looking good or being perfect. How you look in a swimsuit is not what makes you beautiful. The fact that you are God's one of a kind creation does.
Stop looking in the mirror and zeroing in on what you'd call flaws. Everything about the way you look right now, was designed by God. The scars you have mean you've lived and you're still standing. I have scar on the back of my calf from where glass had to be taken out of my leg when I was hit by a drunk driver. The scar isn't ugly to me. It reminds me of God's healing, of his protection from something that could have been way worse. I'm still here. That's what your scars should tell you. Own them. They're uniquely yours.
Oh and those stretch marks mom are part of what makes you beautiful. They don't define you, because your image doesn't define you, but they are a part of your story. They represent the beautiful children in your life. Your toughness of carrying them for nine months, of laying in that hospital bed for various hours and bringing life into this world. You did that. It doesn't get more beautiful than that. Your stretch marks aren't ugly, they are a story. A story of survival, of miracles. Of LIFE. Be proud of them. They are unique marks of blessings that God entrusted you to have.
If you want to do something about your body to help you feel healthy that do that, our bodies our temples that we should cherish but don't do it because you want to be more beautiful and acceptable.
Our bodies are temporary, they are always changing. One day they will fade away, but your inner beauty will never diminish. It sounds so cliche to say "It's what's on the inside that matters." But honestly how much would we change the world if we truly believed that, lived by that?
So can you do something for me this summer? Don't let the swimsuit define you. Don't let it determine your worth. Don't let it steal your joy. Be proud of who you are, every part of you. Know that what you see as imperfections are things loved perfectly by the God who created you Beautiful.
"Do not let your adorning be external – the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious."1 Peter 3:3
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